Don’t Stop Believin’
Alexa, play ‘Don’t Stop Believin’ by Journey.
I know this is a humbling time for many people… college graduates, those who are taking the summer to finally pursue new ventures and step out on fate, those whose dreams are in sight but on delay, and as well as for me. As the year 2019 comes to its midpoint, the uncertainty about “what’s next?” feels all consuming. In an era of ‘thank you, next’, the emphasis lies on next and not on the thank you. How could we possibly be thankful for detours, defeat, rejection, and struggle, and the shame that comes with that?
I had every intention of applying to medical school this June. But, it’s not my time (yet). God has another plan for me. I know it. In full transparency, my MCAT score was 5 points away from where I would have SETTLED for it to be. Settling, that’s just it. Even if I had made it to the 5 point mark, I know in my heart that I am capable of far more than even I would like to admit. I refuse to settle. I could give you a long list of explanations that would make this defeat purposeful, but I won’t waste any time doing that.
Photography by Marguerite Tucker, IG: reiny.days
We’ve all heard, read, and been inspired by the stories of those around us whose rejections have become glorious, long-awaited acceptances. It’s commonly understood that every no purposefully births the yes that we all are waiting for. My perspective on this idea has shifted a little as of recently. I’m contemplative by nature and a believer that everything happens for a reason, so I understand the need to find meaning in everything. Though, I’ve learned that a mature understanding of "the struggle" acknowledges the sentiment that sometimes life just happens the way it does, without any hopeful prospect found. I know, I know, this approach isn’t comforting in the least. It shouldn’t be.
Those who know me will tell you that I’m great at finding the silver lining in everything. Although, I now recognize that there are some events in our lives that are just unexplainable, no matter how much thought we give to them. Let’s take the anti-abortion ruling in Alabama for instance. There is absolutely no explanation in this world that could comfort a woman enough to make sense of her body being policed by men. Even the smallest occurrence can be unclear.
Maybe you’ve graduated and you haven’t solidified an opportunity yet, or something unfortunately tragic has occurred in your life, or it’s taking you much longer than planned to accomplish your goals — take your circumstances for what they are, validate how you feel about your circumstances, and start re-adjusting your plan. Give yourself time to completely feel and embrace every ounce of shame, sadness, guilt, and discomfort that you feel, without thinking about why you’re in the situation you are in. Maybe there will eventually be an explanation for the struggle, but don’t expect an immediate awakening and make peace with the possibility that you never may understand.
"Your peace is more important than driving yourself crazy trying to understand why something happened the way it did. Let it go." - Mandy Hale
Your only job as you navigate the rough terrain is to keep going, to not give up! We don’t fold. A RELENTLESS, unwavering cup of faith and belief is what keeps me going. Believing in yourself takes choosing, learning, respecting, and loving yourself. If I didn’t believe in myself, I would have given up my dream to practice medicine a long time ago. More importantly, I believe that God will see me through. So if you don’t believe in you, then believe in God’s plan for you. Whatever you do, don’t stop believin’.
