No New Friends?

"No new friends" has been the mantra of our social lives since 2013, but I feel we don’t think critically enough about what we hope to get out of the friendships that we currently have. I believe three key attributes make any friendship beneficial for all parties involved, so read closely and carefully. 

I’ve been working on developing a growth mindset during this season of my life and I must admit that I held some deep entitlement around my friendships in the past. Going into my friendships, I had a lot I was willing to offer and as a result, I expected a lot in return. It left me feeling disappointed and emotionally labored. But get this…

Contrary to Popular Belief… Nobody Owes You Anything

And yes, this includes your best friendships. If you start your friendships with this understanding, then it will set the tone for you and your friends feeling abundantly grateful and not entitled for the role you play in each other’s lives. 

So let’s get into it! 

1.  A Challenge 

How many people pray that they are blessed with friends that challenge and push them? Friendships can’t be all bliss and Sunday brunches. We have to model, what we hope to attract. I do my best to push, challenge, and stimulate the views, goals, and lifestyle choices that my close friends make and I can only hope that they continue to do the same for me. I would prefer to be that friend that shares the harsh truth than to allow my friend to fail because the reality is that I want them to win just as much as I want myself to. I believe that your friends should also be as dope, if not doper than you are! They should inspire the heck out of you. So take a look around and if your circle isn’t filled with dope people with relentless drive, who are willing to smack some sense into you when you need it, then you need a new circle. 

2.  Mutual Support 

How you support your friends isn’t a reflection of how you view them, but more of an indication of how you view and love upon yourself. Again since we are modeling what we hope to attract, gas the heck out of your friends often! It is free and doesn’t require much on your part. Remember the important events in their lives. Share their work on social media. When you think of them, let them know you love them. Love isn’t only reserved for romantic relationships. Me and one of my closest brothers make a habit of telling each other how much we love and appreciate each other, breaking generational toxic masculinity one day at a time. There’s one thing I want to stress here though. Don’t view support as entirely transactional. Going into any friendship you should ask yourself two questions:

How certain am I that I have the unconditional support of this individual?

If I show my support for someone, but don’t get the same energy in return — will I, in turn, lose anything? 

3.  Great Energy 

Energy is everything. No one wants to be around people whose vibes are off. We all have a forcefield of energy that is affected by the people we let into our space. Make sure that the frequency of energy that you are putting out is what you hope to get in return. I know life can get hectic and tough, which is why it’s important to smile often, find reasons to laugh, and re-set that energy you put out by checking yourself often (I carve out time to do this). When you feel your energy becoming negatively impacted by those around you, then you need to think twice about if it’s worth having that person around. The forcefield of energy I’m referring to here is the forcefield that drives and influences the trajectory of your life. Don’t let your energy be swayed. 

We can’t expect our friends to be what we are not aiming to be. It’s important that when any difficulties or disconnects arise in our friendships that we check in with ourselves first and make sure that we are holding our friends accountable respectfully, supporting them fully, and depositing great energy onto them. I’m guilty of pointing fingers and assuming I was the best friend possible, but we all fall short. 

What do you look for in your friendships? Diversity? Loyalty? Empathy? Comment below and let me know!