When our sense of self is not rooted in who we are authentically, naturally, and purely it can easily become another limiting belief for us.

A few weeks ago, I posted a prompt in my newly launched Facebook community for young people to engage in conversations about self-discovery and growth. I challenged the group to answer the classic “who are you?” question by reflecting on what brings them joy, what guiding principles they live by, what they admire most about themselves, and what sort of impact they would like to have on the lives of others. The responses were astonishing. This dialogue with some of the most inquisitive minds of my generation affirmed my belief that who we are individually, goes far beyond what we do for a living, where we’re from, where we live, and even how we may feel about ourselves at any given moment. This is what makes answering the question such a tackle. 

How we define ourselves must be taken seriously because our perception of who we are guides the way we feel about ourselves. The past few months have really challenged my concept of who I am. Before the pandemic hit, I planned to use my current role as a guest services representative in healthcare as a stepping stone to get me closer to doing work that I felt would truly provide me with “fulfillment”. So when the pandemic hit, I realized that just like everyone else my plans would be shifting. This was a harsh truth to accept because my sense of self remained misguided. Day in and day out, while physically present on the job, my heart remained out of it. My soul constantly felt un-fed. This became the catalyst for examining where the belief came from that it ever was supposed to feed my spirit. 

Who you are at your core is defined not by what you do or have done but by the mere essence of who you are.

I know so many of us feel stuck and limited by where we are right now. This is a huge blessing for all of us because we have the opportunity to truly define who we are and for once how we feel about what we do won’t get in the way of that. I’m almost certain that had I been granted the opportunity to matriculate into a job role that was more closely aligned with the sort of work that I am passionate about, that I would have subconsciously internalized my fulfillment in this space as a core part of my identity. Now I know not to get the two mixed up. Who I am and what I do are separate, the later doesn’t have to define the prior. 

I believe that the best way to access your truest sense of self is to start with what brings you unequivocal wholeness and unlimited fulfillment. A job, relationship, or life circumstance will never do that for you. In the process of rewiring where I root my sense of self, I have found that my true essence lies in what I think about and how I am growing. My commitment to consciousness and my own personal evolution can never be fully accessed through anything outside of me. I will repeat that again… your consciousness and growth can never be fully accessed through anything outside of you. So when I answer the all too common “what do you do” or “who are you” questions, I can now refer to a concept of my identity that is centered around my natural existence as a thinker and grower.

As I’ve un-peeled the layers of what it means to be a thinker and grower, I realize that the natural essences that lie at my core are essences we all hold. My identity as a thought leader and growth enthusiast is rooted in my natural ability to create, to be aware, to work hard, and to share. We all have the capabilities to do all four of these in some capacity. To bring something into existence. To seek out enlightenment. To put energy towards a cause. And to give of ourselves through service. Don’t let where you may be at this moment have you feeling as though wholeness and fulfillment are only attainable UNTIL… The wholeness and fulfillment we all fundamentally desire can be found once we re-root where our concept of who we are lies. We do that by shining the light on the most organic parts of ourselves. 

Discovering who we are at the deepest, most pure level is revisiting who we were before social and cultural conditioning. It’s deconstructing the very limiting narratives that impact our belief systems. There is absolutely no sort of need that lies within your organic nature. Your essence isn’t in need of anything, it exists just as it is. This is one of the most empowering mind shifts that can truly allow you to exist and thrive in a constant state of grounded-ness. A sense of self that isn’t misguided is our step away from the limiter of our lives, the ego.

Who we think we are doesn’t only impact where we seek out wholeness and fulfillment from, it also determines what we allow our energy to be given to. Many people who subconsciously operate from their ego have internalized a self-concept that is rooted in their own personal opinions. Whenever someone disagrees with these opinions, the ego feels under attack and more personally they feel under attack. The ego defends the claims that it stands by not on the grounds of the argument alone, but also because what it’s really defending is its concept of self. This is why we need to be checking where we have defined who we are from. When you’re aware of and own a natural self-concept, then you don’t feel the need to defend your convictions because you are able to recognize that whoever may disagree with them isn’t challenging your concept of who you are. You’re grounded. Truly rooted. Firm. Ain’t a soul or thing shifting that. 

There is absolutely no shame in this lesson. Know that it is part of everyone’s journey. It’s easy to make wealth, social media, jobs, one’s social network, and success define who we are. Yet, we are none of those tangible mediums. The sooner we learn to appreciate and honor where we are at by radically accepting that our life circumstances do not indefinitely define who we are, the quicker we are able to access our truest sense of self.